I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to share two communion meditations that I had written earlier this year. Below is the second which was shared during a Good Friday service in Beijing:

I’m standing in a crowd of people. Where are we? What are we doing?

There’s quite a commotion…and everyone’s attention is pointed in the same direction. What’s everyone shouting about? What are we here to see?

Ah, now I see. There’s a man way up ahead. He’s leaning on a post, surrounded by large men wearing what looks like Roman soldier’s uniforms. 

Now one of the men reveals that he’s holding a whip. He flashes it about, giving something for the crowd to see. The hot sun reflects off of what appears to be bits of metal and bone attached to it, dazzling cords of pain and torture. The crowd cheers, and their cheer has a sharp edge to it. But I guess not everyone. I can pick out a very few who look hopeless, helpless, weeping. 

The whipping begins. I can hardly watch. I’ve never seen anything so brutal. This man’s flesh is literally being torn apart. I feel horrible for this man. It seems to me that one lashing should be enough for any crime. But they keep going. I don’t think I can watch. 

And now, I’m reminded of Isaiah who speaks of a coming Messiah who would look so disfigured that he would hardly seem human, his form marred beyond human likeness. Could this be that man?

And just as I think the thought, the man looks up. My breath catches. He looks directly at me. 

I’m exposed. I’m naked. I can’t explain it. He’s so far away, but sees everything. 

Every cell in my body is squirming. Wanting to get away. Wanting to run and hide far from his gaze. But where can I hide? I can’t. I can’t do anything. He knows. He knows everything.

My eyes fall to the floor…the whip cracks.

The weight of my sin, now exposed, feels unbearable. I want to die…the whip cracks.

I might as well look up again. I’m ready for my judgment…the whip cracks.

And everything changes.

And now I see. If love were a liquid or a ray of light, it would be gushing forth from him and unto the crowd. Unto me. 

A thought pops into my mind: “this is love, that a man lay down his life for another.”

I can’t take my eyes off. This is love.

…the whip cracks.

I realize that my previous instinct to feel bad for him has changed. I’m am now feeling more endeared to him than I’ve ever felt to anything or anyone. And another thought pops into my mind: “God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him”…

Wow! This man is the son of God! He’s here in this moment because he’s chosen to be here. He knew. The unbearable weight I was just feeling. It’s completely gone. I see it’s on him now. I’m light as a feather. 

The whip cracks…and light as a feather I seem to float closer towards him. Our eyes still locked.

And the whip cracks…like a tractor beam I’m being drawn in. Closer. I don’t resist. I have no more reason to.

And the whip cracks…before I wanted to look away, but now each whip draws me closer. 

And the whip cracks…the details of his broken body are now in clear focus, but I can’t manage to look away from his eyes. 

And the whip cracks…I’ve never been so close and intimate to anyone. We are face to face. I can’t possibly…but is it possible? Could I be closer? Could He and I become one? Christ in me? Myself hidden in Christ?

And then: “They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him.”

As he was being crucified, I heard some in the crowd calling out “if you are the king of the Jews, save yourself!”

But I know better now. He wasn’t here to save himself. He was here to save us. 

I didn’t lift a finger trying to stop them. This needed to happen. This man was the only one to do it. 

Thank you. Thank you. Bless you. Praise you.