I was looking through my most recent sketchbook today and realized something. I like it. It’s fun to remember where I’ve been, seeing the sketches, reading what I was thinking about or listening to. The way I draw and layout the pages of the sketchbook has come a long way since I first started.

The reason that the feeling of liking it stood out to me was because I don’t always like it as much. Sometimes I’ll look at other people’s drawings and sketches online and realize how much better they are than what I can create. Sometimes when I start a sketch I’ll have an idea of what it could be like, but I can’t come close to attaining the ideal in my head. And sometimes a friend or colleague who is better at it than I am will take a look through my sketchbook, and I’ll feel insecure about what I’ve created.

I realized that I often assume people are measuring me up by what I do. What I create. This can also apply to my work designs, cooking, guitar playing, performance in a sport, strategy game, and the list goes on.

I assume that I’m being looked at with a critical eye that wants to judge what I do and thereby judge me. I assume that people are looking for what’s wrong, not what’s good.

I think that throughout my life I’ve assumed that God looks at my life in the same way. He’s greater than me, so it would seem that he, better than anyone, can see all my flaws. All the ways I could be more brave, more honest, more compassionate, more wise, more giving, more fearless.

But is God looking down on me in criticism and judgement, comparing me to others, constantly noticing everything that’s wrong and wincing all the time?

Or is he looking for and seeing what is good and growing?