(Below is a take on what might have been going on inside the woman’s head that was caught in adultery in John 8. There’s a lot of accusing and judgment in the world around us. Dragging our enemies, our exes, and our presidential candidates into a circle to be stoned for what they’ve done. It’s refreshing to think about how things could go differently.)

It’s all become so clear now. I’d never seen my sin before this moment. I’ve just been caught sleeping with another woman’s husband. I feel so utterly exposed! In every sense of the word. As I’m being dragged to my judgment I feel the weight of my sins bear down on me to the point I can barely breathe. It’s like I can see for the first time in my life all the hurt and pain and anguish I’ve caused. The men I have slept with. They were married. They had children. What kind of pain have I caused those wives? Those children? Have I played part in tearing these families apart? I can’t bear to even think of it. If I could change it all I would. If I could make it right I would. But it’s too late, I have done what I have done and I can’t turn back time. My time is up.

I don’t know where I’m being carried, but I’m sure it’s to my death. I find myself silent for the first time. I have no excuses. No deflections. I’d never really seen that what I was doing was so harmful up until now. I guess I was hurting and desperate for love and would do anything to get what I needed. I did it so selfishly though. I can see that now. I went after what I thought I needed and I left in my wake a pile of hurt and broken lives. And what do I have to show for it? I still don’t have the love I was looking for. I am worse off than ever, being carried to meet my judge. What a wretched woman I am! Who can save me from this body of death? It’s too late; it is hopeless now. I’m going to be stoned to death. Now that I see the fruit of my life so clearly, I don’t think I’d want to live in the shame of it any longer anyways. I guess I’m getting what I deserve, despicable woman as I am.

Here we are. This is the spot I am to be stoned to death. There are even more people here and it’s as if my shame has multiplied. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this exposed and vulnerable, here on the verge of judgment and death.

This man must be my judge. I can’t bear to look at him. I can’t bear to lift my head. He seems so clean and clear and pure. Everything has just come into the starkest of contrasts.

But wait…this is so strange…this feeling makes no sense. For some reason, I don’t feel so afraid of him. I’m not even looking at him, and I don’t know if he’s looking at me, but I just feel so sure that he can see me. Not the “me” that everyone else here sees. Not the “me” that I’ve always seen. No, I feel like he can see me apart from all my dirt and filth, sin and shame. It’s as if when he looks at me, he can see a version of me after a cleansing bath. A cleansing bath that could wash not only my body, but my soul, my heart and my spirit. When I first saw him, I was afraid I might contaminate his purity with my filth. But now I get the strange sense that his purity could wash away my filth and that I could be like him. I’ve never had such a ridiculous thought. I’ve never had such an exhilarating thought. I feel such a strange mixture of fear and hope.

What is he writing in the sand? My death sentence? I’m so afraid. I’ve been standing here so long it seems. What is happening? What are they discussing? And why can’t I shake this feeling of hope? This feeling doesn’t seem to belong here. I’m going to take a chance. I’m going to look up. I’m going to look that man in the face. Maybe there is a reason for my hope.

Where is everyone? There is only this one man left. Before I have a chance to ask him, he asks me the very question on my mind: “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one”, I hear coming out of my mouth in disbelief. “Then neither do I condemn you” he says, and my hope is realized. His words carry authority, and as he speaks them, I nearly lift off the ground from the weightlessness I feel. I am completely relieved of every sense of burden, shame, and guilt I have ever known by the time he finishes the phrase.

“Go now and sin no more” are the last words he speaks, and as he speaks them, I know that every word coming out from his mouth carries with it the power and grace to accomplish that which he speaks. It is as if he were the very word of God spoken at creation.