I thought freedom came through making enough money to do what I wanted when I wanted.

I thought security and protection came through having enough money saved up in a bank or an insurance company.

I thought my significance came from collecting and earning life’s trophies and climbing ladders higher than people around me.

I thought love came through securing women’s affection and men’s approval.

It was never enough.

To others, it must’ve looked like I was doing a pretty good job. Sometimes I could sense their envy.

But I wasn’t free.

Then circumstances came. Circumstances that I couldn’t control. They endangered my precious methods of securing my freedom, security, value and love. They caused agony and distress. All day I couldn’t wait to go to bed. There I could fall asleep and escape consciousness for a few peaceful hours.

But one night I was unfortunately awake and conscious in the middle of the night. I felt I couldn’t take it anymore. Rolling off my bed and unto the floor, I was at the lowest place I could position myself. I had it out with God.

“If you’re going to let me be tortured like this, just do it all the way! Just take everything! Go ahead and just make my life like Job’s! Take my money! Take my health! Take my reputation! Take my friends and family!”

When I finally got to the end of my list…When I finally saw myself laying there on a street corner, completely helpless, with nothing left to lose…I saw the last thing I would ever expect to see.

I saw freedom.

All of the strain, all of the stress, all of the striving and tireless work that constantly sucked up my energy to attain freedom, security, significance and love…I wouldn’t have to do it anymore…I didn’t want to do it anymore. If I lost it all, I’d finally be free.

“Your blessed when you’re at the end of your rope” (Mat 5:3 MSG)

Anything that happened would be beyond my control. There’d be nothing left to worry about. Either I die or someone saves me.

“Oh…right…”

So I had it wrong. I’m not free, secure, significant, and loved when I strive to collect and secure these things. I’m free, secure, significant, and loved when I simply receive those things from someone who’s offering them. When I let someone help me. When I let someone save me.

Am I saved because I repeated a prayer?

Am I saved because I got a ticket to heaven?

Or am I saved because, well…someone saved me. And I simply didn’t turn it down.